There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but there is such a thing as a relationship that's harmonic, loving and healthy. The problem is, women often turn themselves inside trying to make their relationships work, yet don't realise that some of the very things they're doing to try and fix it, can create more of a discord in their relationship.
Loving relationships require a healthy level of mindfulness and care to thrive. Great love and a passionate relationship needs more than a dash of attraction, sex or a few common interests. For a couple to last the distance without wanting to pull their own or each other's hair out, a relationship requires; authenticity, vulnerability, humility.
Perhaps there are a few key things you're doing (or not doing) with your man, that are hampering a closer bond from developing? Sometimes our best intentions can backfire on us, and instead of building a stronger bond and connection we unwittingly add; pressure, stress and problems to the mix, which has your partner pulling away instead opening his heart to you.
So what are the common mistakes women make in relationships?
1. You're trying to change him . It's one thing to want to bring out the best in your man, but it's another thing entirely to want to actually change who your man is. Wanting him to get rid of bad habits is all well and good, however, if you're trying to turn him into a different man, then that's when he may start to notice that you're treating him like a project and not accepting him for who he is. He could feel that you just want him to be a piece of clay that you can mold, push and sculpt into someone he's not.
2. You don't appreciate him enough . A little thank you, some warm smiles, tender kisses and sweet compliments work wonders to help build your relationship with your guy. It's important to realize that men and women are different, and that something as simple as, say, decluttering the house may be easy for you, it could be a difficult chore for your guy. Never forget to thank your man and to show him you appreciate his efforts, even if the things he does seem simple. Most of the time couples tell each other what they don't like, versus, what they do like. Why not change it up for the betterment of the relationship!
3. You want him to "complete" you . Everyone is born whole, therefore you don't need a man to make you feel "whole." When you depend on your man to complete you, you end up putting a lot of pressure on him. Instead of making him the other half of your whole, see him as the person who complements who you are and your life. Be your own person, with your own beliefs, thoughts and principles, and show your man that instead of "completing" you, he's bringing out the best in you.
4. You're tying him down too soon . After the third date, are you already planning on moving in together (regardless of whether you voice this or not)? Do you try to get him to leave his things at your place or give you a drawer at his place, even before he's ready? If you're jumping on him to reach relationship milestones before he's ready, he may start to wonder what all the rush is about. Men generally don't want to feel like they're being tied down, particularly prematurely. Why rush? True love is about getting to know someone over time. A huge mistake both men and women can make when dating is to count their chickens before they hatch. Enjoy getting to know someone and over time you will either like them more and more or less and less. Real love takes time to develop and it's not real love when attachment is involved.
5. You're forgetting your friends . They're the ones you run to when things get rough, but once everything's dandy with your man, you suddenly fall off the face of the earth. Your friends are a part of who you are, and they deserve your attention, too! Even if you want to spend time with your man, it's important to also remember that your friends are there, and having a solid connection with them is important and valuable. A cup of coffee or a night out every once in a while is healthy for a relationship. A good man loves a woman who still maintains her own life, and since men love freedom, he'll never feel smothered or that he needs to escape you (more about this in # 8).
6. You're being passive aggressive . Not every man can read between the lines. The whole "I'm fine, go head, do what you want" speech can be infuriating. If you're upset with him or he's done something that you believe is hurtful then giving him "attitude" or tampering with his plans while still telling him you're "fine", will only bring trouble into the relationship. Men almost always want to know what's wrong, instead of guessing and jumping to conclusions. If he feels like he has to jump through hoops just for you to let him know what's wrong, it will only be a matter of time before he tires of your passive aggressive approach to communication. Be courageous and tell him how you feel, don't tell him he's wrong or blame him. This is a game of control and ego, not love, care and openness.
7. You don't say what you want . Further to the above point; when you're confused, sad, or, angry or even just having a bad day, that may have nothing to do with your guy, take a deep breath and calm down, and then use a calm voice to let him know what's bothering you. Tell him and let him know what's wrong. It will definitely make it easier for your guy to know how to help you. When you want something, let him know what it is, instead of making him guess from a multitude of options. Yes, I know it feels great when your guy gets what you want from just a glance, but won't it be nicer if he did not always feel like he has to second guess himself? Simply tell him why you're upset. I can assure you he'll be far more responsive.
8. You're smothering him . Loving relationships aren't built on spending every minute together; It's built on a foundation of trust, respect, love and intimacy. Quality time will mean more to your guy than spending hours upon hours together while not really doing anything to build your relationship. Every person deserves their own personal space, and overstepping those boundaries with your guy may make him feel like he's got a leash around his neck. Give him some time to do his own thing, as you do your own thing. Giving each other space allows you both to miss each other a bit and also gives you both more things to talk about as you experience things without your partner.
9. You're letting yourself go . He loves you anyway, so he won't mind if you gain a few pounds, have unwashed hair, let your roots show or dress like a slob, right? Hmmm, I'm not so sure about that. There is much more to attraction than what we look like or how we present ourselves, and your man may not love you any less, though it's still important to care about your body, because this is about mindset and self-love, which is a significant part of attraction and lasting desire. People are normally attracted to someone for a reason, based on values. If health is a core value to him and he thought that this was also important to you, though you no longer seem to care about your body or health, then this can be a problem. Not just physically, also on an emotional level. Even if you're too busy with the kids, with work or with chores, a little bit of preening up from time to time won't hurt. I know this is a controversial topic, and you may or may not agree with me, either way, is this not worth considering?
10. You refuse to let go . When a relationship ends, it can be difficult to let go. But you must realize that refusing to let go will only muddle your chances of a healthy connection with potential partners. When it's over, it's over. Go through the crying phase, the mourning phase, the retail therapy phase (not advised), but keep in mind that you eventually have to let go and move forward. It can be tempting to hold on to a relationship that think still has some potential, but you have to make a choice: should you still keep fighting for a relationship that failed or should you focus your energy on moving on to a healthier relationship?
How did you go with the list? Did any of these points hit home for you? I've certainly been guilty of indulging in a few of these relationship-hindering behaviors and still there are times when I recognize that I need to tweak the way I communicate my feelings. Sometimes I'm actually too independent in a way that I actually need to make more time for a partner, as opposed to spending less time with them.
Whether you forget to show appreciation, smother a man too much, or don't express yourself clearly, then it's okay, because that can change. Don't beat yourself up over it, simply focus on how you can do things differently and integrate these changes.
Changing patterns and breaking habits can be done pretty easily. All you need is a little focus and a good boost of self-love. How you love and what you truly desire both stem from how much you love and values yourself, which is the most powerful foundation for intimate love with another.
Intimate love, intimate conversations, and intimate sex with a man makes loving blissful and easy … so get intimate with you and exchange those unhealthy patterns for some healthy ones.
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