I love David Deida's style. His writing awakens all the romantic feelings in me and my admiration of men. I become all dreamy and want to know how else my relationship can be enhanced.
According to David Deida, an international teacher and author, there are 3 stages of relating. He calls these stages Dependent, 50/50, and Intimate Communion. He defines these stages in his book titled "Intimate Communion" according to the polarity differences between a man and a woman.
What stage is your relationship in? If you are not at the third stage, start dreaming! I know it's possible. I know you have the power to create that for yourself.
Here are the 3 Stages of Intimate Relationship by David Deida:
Stage One – Dependent relationship
"A Dependent Relationship involves partners who become dependent on each other for money, emotional support, parenting or sex."
The most common question for this dependent relationship is "What can I get from my partner?"
This kind of relationship may seem to be the traditional way of male & female roles. This relationship may be based on financial or emotional dependence. This dependence relationship is also called Co-dependence. In terms of financial, it is always the woman depending on the man for financial reasons and the man depending on the woman for child care and other things. But what would happen if both could no longer depend on each other; for example, the man dies, or they divorce. How will the woman survive financially? How about emotionally? How will one be able to live through life without the other? In this mode of relationship, with time, people start to grow and learn how to adapt. This is where the next stage begins.
Stage Two – 50/50 relationship
"Safe boundaries and equal expectations for men and women."
The most common question for this relationship is "How can we share together?"
In this stage of relationship, one may want to feel safe and independent. Two people coming together, working out an equitable relationship. This is independent people coming together to share a life. This type of relationship may be viewed as the "modern" version of relationships. Both parties will want to feel that everything must be equal. This type of relationship often lacks sexual energy. The polarity needed to ignite the passionate, sexual fire may be missing or will diminish over time.
How do you relate to this stage? What's happening with passion in your love life? Are you excited about spending intimate time with your beloved or are you just functioning together? Are you 'okay' or are you 'deeply completely in love and living your highest potential'?
"If the woman feels her feminine-self less and the man his masculine-self less then, the natural charge between the two people will diminish. Often what occurs after the passion and sexual aliveness diminishes is a feeling of incompleteness. The inner longing to Be met and be touched deeply no longer occurs. Eventually one or both partners may become dissatisfied within the relationship and they may look outside the relationship for its fulfilment. "
Stage Three – Intimate Communion
"I relax into oneness and spontaneously give my deepest gift."
The most common question for this stage of relationship is "What is my biggest gift and how can I give my biggest gift to my intimate partner but also to the world?"
The intimate communion is the third stage of the intimate relationship. By this stage, the couple are no longer needy people. They have grown out of the dependence and the 50 / 50. They are now relaxing into the healthy boundaries around them. They have now opened their hearts. They now need to give their fullest and give it from their hearts. In the practice of Intimate Communion we learn that love is something you do, not something you "fall into" or "out of". Love is something you practice. This is what allows you to create healthy relationships.
David Deida states that "In this type of relationship you learn to practice loving even when you feel hurt, rejected or resistant. First you practice love, and then your native sexual essence blooms, naturally, inevitably, because you are learning to give from your core, which includes the root of your sexuality. "
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